Toxic Masculinity - Where Do We Go From Here?

The last few months have seen the term ‘toxic masculinity’ coming to the forefront. Rather than addressing the issue head-on, heated debates continue to rage on whether the term is an unfair generalization of an entire male section of the population. So, NO, toxic masculinity is not a representation of the entire male population, but it is foolhardy to ignore that it exists and that too on a large scale.

The term coined in the 1980s by the Psychology professor Shepherd Bliss, are simply traits that separate the negative and positives of men. “Toxic” to masculinity includes “avoidance of emotional expression”, the “over-aspiration for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance” and the “systematic devaluation of women’s opinions, body and sense of self (Independent, 17th January, 2019). In layman’s terms, toxic masculinity equals a lack of emotional expression, compassion and empathy. It means acting aggressively or being dominating to gain respect. 

Societal roles are changing drastically in India and perpetuating these patriarchal traits will serve no purpose for either gender. Like it, or not, women are coming to the forefront, expressing their views and opinions and are becoming more financially independent. Nationwide the girl-child is now to be respected. The ‘beti’ is being educated, taught equality and independence. If she is not taught it at home, she is taught it at school or influenced by her counterparts, and every other medium available out there. 

These changing gender norms and roles are bound to threaten existing structures. If toxic masculinity is not derailed it may even exasperate the current statistics of sexual harassment and abuse. If certain men and boys see these roles of women as threatening or destabilizing their purpose in the new world, if they are unable to adapt and change, they will retaliate with these toxic traits and lash out. If we continue to promote these traits, with statements like ‘boys will be boys’, we will continue to normalize this pattern of behaviour. The reality is whether it is workplace harassment or an enraged admirer, behaviour perceived as threatening or intimidating will soon be unacceptable. The next generation of urban Indian women will not stand for any of this. Turn a blind eye towards these toxic traits and we are harming our future generations, whether they are women or men.

How do we undo what has already been ingrained? By focusing on the positive traits of masculinity and promoting those. 

On an individual level, these are very simple small steps. Speak up against toxic masculinity. If you see a friend, a child or relative behaving badly, being aggressive or harassing someone – call them out. Take a stand. You might be saving them from a far worse consequence later.

At a workplace, if you find a colleague being harassed, form a group and address the issue. Warn the offender, and if the problem continues to speak to Human Resources. 

As parents, we play the most influential role. As mothers and women, do not propagate sexist attitudes. Teach your kids about gender equality and the various channels through which they can increasingly contribute to their families and society. Boys can take part in household activities – these are life skills. They are not just feminine responsibilities. This will teach them to respect the roles women have played for centuries as homemakers and value them. 

Kids make mistakes. Reprimand them if they show signs of toxic behaviour – that is parenthood. Once again, you might be saving your child from a far worse consequence in the future that will result from your very inaction. 

For those uncertain about positive and toxic masculinity, the ‘The Best Men Can Be’ Gillette ad is a great example for understanding what positive masculinity is. And for those in doubt as to whether toxic masculinity exists - the butchering of the #MeToo movement and the shaming and silencing of women speaking out in India last year should be proof enough.