Stop Living Others' Dreams: Samir Soni

The actor, who has been maintaining a personal diary for years now, decided to put together pages and turn them into a book.

Introverts are more vulnerable than extroverts to depression and decreased mental wellbeing. They are also more likely to be compliant and have lower self-esteem than extroverts, which can be detrimental when experiencing depression. Samir Soni, actor and author, recently launched a book ‘My Experiment with Silence’ in which he laid down personal experiences and techniques to cope with stress and anxiety.   

At The festival of Wellbeing organised by BW Businessworld, Deep Bajaj, Co-Founder, Sirona Hygiene (PeeBuddy) was in a conversation with Samir Soni to understand what’s all there in the book. 

Talking about his book, Soni said, “Most of the books that deal with anxiety and depression only suggest seven or eight ways of living a happy life. It's like telling people about the end result, and not the process of trying to get that. And that's what my book, really talks about.”   

“I wrote the book while I was going through the process and this makes it very honest and raw. I didn't want to give any Gyaan or knowledge to people as I wanted to share what I've experienced,”  he added.  In 'My Experiments with Silence’, the actor laid bare selections from his diary to help the reader cope with questions that have agitated the human mind for eons. ‘Who am I? Why am I the way I am? Can I truly change myself?’ In the process Soni underlines that until one discovers the ‘real you, you are actually living someone else’s life, fulfilling someone else’s dreams, which were sold to you by the society at large. ‘  

Stating the importance of ‘becoming the real you’, Soni said, “Nowadays, social media is alluring young minds so much that they think success is about owning a Rolls-Royce or any other luxury brand, but it is not. With social media, we are building another generation of people who would aspire to be that. And there will be a lot of percentage of people who will not relate to that.” 

On the topic of living for the ‘gram’ (Instagram), where most of the people post pictures of happiness and success, while the reality could be very different Soni said “People are being judged based on their choices and appearance. Success is very subjective. In today’s world, it is totally possible that you might be trying to live someone else dreams, and you don't even realise it.” 

Sharing his experience of dealing with anxiety and stress, the actor said, “I had suffered from anxiety for a long time and still do from time to time. I've sought counseling and medication when needed. The strange thing is that people drinking whisky to reduce stress is completely fine but seeking help from specialists is wrong. People will start saying if there is something is wrong with you. It is similar to avoiding the big elephant in the room.”  

Based on anxiety and self discovery, Soni’s book aims to be a personal account of his dialogues with himself during his growing-up years in Delhi, his stint at Wall Street and his time in Bollywood. The book is being published by OM Books International. Soni said his book will be an “ode to anyone who has fought or is fighting their inner demons”.  

When asked what do you do to switch off, Soni affirmed, “Nobody can switch off instead he can put himself first. You have to understand yourself right.  To me, I have understood that I need my time. My phone is always on silent. Only when I'm ready to communicate, I will communicate. Otherwise, it's my time and is to tell people that it's okay. The moment you say it's okay, then you will value it and do steps to protect that. It's like spending time with your little daughter, right? Nobody tells that.”  

“Driven by the illusion of unrealistic dreams and expectations, and the need for external validation, we are constantly caught in a tug-of-war between our inner life and the external universe.” Said Soni  

In his book Soni mentioned that he too spent a lifetime oscillating between these two worlds, striving for the golden means. He found it by experimenting with silence, turning to his diary as a companion in this journey, and finding the comfort in his inner self that the world outside could never provide.  

When asked how an introvert thought of writing a book? Soni, expressed, “I'm just shy and reserved but it took me a while in the little bumps and bruises. I decided I'm not going to keep pushing myself against a brick wall, trying to be something that I'm really not.”   

He further elucidated  “So although my difficulty was concerned, I wrote this but 10-15 years back and locked it up. It wasn't meant to be shared with people. I wrote that for my catharsis. But after years, When I realised people are still living someone else dream, I just uploaded it. We cannot be selling these dreams to the younger generation."